Our Broken Family, Is Still A Family
"In OUR family, nothing is missing...." she said partly excited, but mostly in pain from her realization that our family is broken in more ways than one, but somehow knows that it yields hope, and bears much fruit......so I was like "hell yeah!"Though I wonder.....does she realize what she means? Are we really building something from nothing? Does God really want our family to succeed? Do churches really want families like ours hanging around showing that this model "can" work? And are families like ours worth taking to the next level since the next generation of Christianity, if Christianity does it's job right engaging culture, will look more like our family for a while, since families like ours are here, are everywhere, and show no signs of slowing down......?
"She" is DeJae, our eldest daughter..........Sunday was her first communion.........but we're not Catholic. "They" are Catholic so "they" took her to it. "They" meaning her other parents, her other life, her other world, her other family. DeJae is 9 years old and is from my first marriage..........actually, the 3 girls we parent, are not really "ours" at all by any biological standard. The girls are DeJae (age 9), Angel (age 8), and Myah (age 7).....well, almost 8 and 7........just around the corner from 8 and 7. DeJae and Myah are biologically mine from my first marriage, and Angel is biologically my wife's from her previous relationship. Then we have two boys together, Sammy and Eli.........and this is how OUR family works. Yesterday DeJae was excited about her "BIG" day........and at one of the churches we frequent, we had her take communion there also and prayed for her as we dropped her off to do her deal. Then last night, after her first communion was over, DeJae came back to us and was dropped off to a house church we were hanging out at........afterwards, we found out DeJae was sad..................her other "dad" isn't gonna be her other "dad" anymore............"They" weren't married, and had split up. "They" weren't gonna work out anymore. DeJae has known him for almost 5 years now, and she loved him like her dad, and he loved her, but it was over, and it seems like yesterday confirmed it for her.
We got home that night, got the other kids ready for bed, and called DeJae up stairs so we could talk to her about it before bed. We told her we knew the whole issue was a big deal for her. We told her we loved her. She was sad, and she cried. DeJae is old enough now to start understanding what OUR family is, which is broken. Divorce, seperation, and pain does that. Though we let those realities be present, but we knew there was more.........something more that no one has showed us how to do, no one in churches talks about, and no one anywhere probably knows how to do, and that bothers us. Nonetheless, we started talking to her about OUR BROKEN FAMILY.........how her sisters each have to deal with the same thing........her blood sister, Myah which is equally affected by today's event, but also her step-sister, Angel, who goes to another home and whole other host of issues.
At Angel's other home, her dad, is a visitor. He is remarried now, but Angel isn't really a part of that "new" family. The "new" step-mom doesn't speak english very well, and questionably likes her. Actually, Angel lives with her grandma over there, and Angel is lucky if she sees her dad at all. Not to mention seeing her "new" half-sister from her dad's "new" family............or she's even luckier if she sees her other half brother, from her dad's other relationship.........."Fuck that!"......to be completely, and painfully honest for my little girl, Angel is lucky, if she ever feels like her dad from that other family, is even her dad at all...........that kills me.....and it is that way for my 3 girls in a life that I will never understand!
We started to talk to DeJae about the realities of how lucky she, and all her sisters, are to be with our family......OUR BROKEN FAMILY. We talked about how we all have a unique role in "Our Broken Family" to fill the parts of our other lives that miss something. That within the other religions present, the other practices of faith at either familes, then at ours, we all have a need to come together, and find refuge here, in "Our Broken Family"............she started to name off the members of our family that were present here in "Our Broken Family".......we have Papi (Dad), Mom, Me (DeJae), Angel, Myah, Sammy, Eli, and Cholita (our dog)..........she said partly excited, but mostly in pain from her realization that our family is broken in more ways than one, but somehow knows that it yields hope, and bears much fruit......"In OUR family, nothing is missing...."so I was like "hell yeah!"
Then I started to wonder.........why don't churches talk about this issue.......I once asked a "Children's Ministry Leader", who had a Masters in "Children's Ministry", to help me find a way to deal with the fact that our family operated with different families, different religions, different worlds, etc...etc..etc.......he never got back to me.........and he acts like I never asked..........but I don't blame him, though I wonder..........why don't churches know how to address the next generation of culture that is fast approaching.........a culture that is already here..........a culture of mixed and intermingled families, where brokenness in famliy, must bring a new definition to the "whole and complete" family concept.........Divorce, seperation, and pain are equally present in Christianity as it is anywhere else in our culture.......but I wonder........."is this model is not encouraged to succeed so that the ideas of "divorce" and "seperation" can continue to be discouraged?" or do are churches so far removed from culture that they just have no clue? I don't know..........I am not for divorce, nor seperation..........but it is here, and no ones knows how to help people like us out.........help kids like ours out.........maybe we can be a model, maybe........just maybe.........OUR BROKEN FAMILY.......IS STILL A FAMILY.......I love you DeJae, Angel, Myah, Sammy, and little Eli........and yes, "......In OUR family, nothing is missing................cause Jesus lives here too........with us......."
P.S.......TRUE.......our "sins" got us here, with a broken family.......but how does our "jesus"....get us out, or get us through........without ignoring it.........and let me tell you......we don't let them call each other step-sisters, or half-brothers, or any time anyone tries to act like we aren't all blood family, we correct them.........cause the pain of our love lives together in this world, is our blood.......and the blood of Jesus.......
Scott D. told me to check out your blog & Im glad I did. What youve written is so full of truth & really made me sit back & ask myself how I view so called "broken" families. Thanks for that & keep it coming!!
Diane (Comment this)
intact. I respect you for being candid and sharing your
frustration with us. My heart cries out to the Lord for you
because He lives in me and feels for you. I know that you
have hope for your family. I can also see that you have a
concern for the church and for the lost.
When I was growing up, people didnt get divorced. Very few
people even thought about it. I didnt know any kids who
had 1 parent living with them. I didnt know any kids who
were even from broken homes. The church did not have to
learn to adapt to "broken families." When the no-fault
divorce law was passed, it allowed parents to divorce without
having to prove there was a "good" reason in a court of law.
You had to have a very good reason to be permitted to divorce.
But when the law changed, people could then divorce because
of any reason at all. This is when it started to go down hill.
The next thing was birth control. People could screw and
not make babies.
Then women began to go out into the world to support themselves. Previously, they were at home taking care of the kids. Now that they were divorced, they had to deal with
things in a mans world. Married men who were not used to
having contact with "divorced, single women" now came into
contact with them on a daily basis.
So it was a combination of factors that led to the place
we are at now. And the New Testament was not addressed to
the world we are in now. So when you read it, you have to
make the adjustments in your mind and find the secondary applications. But before people can think their way to the
secondary applications, they have to first grasp the primary
applications of the scripture. There are several reasons
why the church has difficulty with this:
1. Theres video games and televison and movies which provide instant gratification that takes no work. Bible
study takes work - hard work.
2. Theres a shortage of people who can take people deep
in the Word.
3. People would rather sing alot in church. They dont want to hear the Bible taught deeply.
4. The world offers much better entertainment and people basically want to be entertained.
5. People are working too much because they dont know how to say no to advertising. The new cars, the ATVs, the
big screen tvs, the new clothes, the new experiences: people
have gone into debt so deeply for furniture and stuff that
they have to work two jobs to pay for all of it. The family
seldom even eats together because Dad and Mom are always exhausted or not home when the kids are done with their homework (if they even do their homework).
6. The culture of America is decayed, perverted, lost, mangled beyond repair. The educational system, the religious system, the political system and the entertainment industry are all hopeless polluted. Cultural relativism and humanistic philosophy has penetrated into the church to the
point where there is little salt left.
7. The church is asleep.
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you to throw the lifeline to your family. When you
pray and study the Bible with your wife, it will impact
your kids. When they see you reading the Bible, they
grow up to think it is important. But if you are religious
and preachy, they will rebel continually. The Bible is not
to be used to punish kids. Kids arent supposed to be sent
to their rooms to read the Bible when they are bad. Memorizing scripture is not to be used to punish kids.
Parents preach the gospel by their actions. The kids want to know that Mom and Dad love each other. Thats really about the most important thing you can give your kids. It makes them feel secure. God designed it that way. The key to your kids relationship with their heavenly Father is you and your wife. It ALL starts with the parents. If you litter, they
will litter. If you waste time on frivilous stuff, they will
think thats cool too. When they see you and your wife pray, they will want to pray. Pray before you eat, before you travel, before you go to the store, when you are driving.
Pray without ceasing. AND always be vocally thankful when you pray with the kids. Thanksgiving always precedes petitioning God. (Comment this)
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